Merry Christmas

culling

cull [v.] to take the best part of.

Some days are so full of wondrous life and blog-worthy moments that there just isn't time to record them.

Some days are so full of darkening details, sickness and sorrow, and necessary busyness that there is no time (or strength) to record any of it.

We have had a lot of both lately.

As I type, we are somewhere in the desert between Flagstaff and Albuquerque, returning home after a much-needed Thanksgiving vacation with Gabriel's family in California. A vacation that almost didn't happen because of a nasty virus that had me still in bed when we had already planned to be at the beach. But we made it, and it was worth the long drive, even for a shortened visit, and even though we will still be driving until tomorrow.

This next week will be right back into the thick of reality. Monday morning, i will be back at work since I am still filling in as the kitchen manager at Brighthaven, River is getting tubes in his ears on Wednesday, and Forest flies out on Thursday because of the ever-developing family drama. And Gabriel will be gone on business all week. Yes, right back into the thick of reality.

Yet we have still had some great moments these past few weeks: nearly 2 weeks with Molly and Andres, Halloween at the Tulsa Zoo, a much-longed for visit with Crystal, Simone, and Everett, and Linda's baby shower. Those pictures are all piled on my hard drive, waiting for attention.

Finding the time for everything is just not possible right now, which is much easier for me to write than the daily practice of actually letting go of some things.

But reexamining priorities is always a good thing. So is letting go of expectations, like our plans to move. It seems as if we are still supposed to be in Arkansas. At least for now. We are adjusting to that idea.

A little over a week ago now, Gabriel tended to some necessary business with our backyard hens. One of them, a Rhode Island Red, had been afflicted with terrible diarrhea for over a month. I kept expecting to find her dead, but then another hen came down with it. All of my research pointed to the same conclusion: we had to cull the flock, killing the two sick hens in order to save our other ladies.

Gabe chopped off their heads, and Liam watched. Well, he wanted to see the first one and then opted out of witnessing the second. He was so matter of fact about it, coming into the house and announcing "Daddy is cutting up our sick chickens." I asked him if it was sad. He said yes, but didn't seem traumatized in any way. Facts of life, I suppose.

But it was hard on Gabe, the slaughtering.

And to add to that day's sadness, a strong gust of wind cracked the trunk of the maple tree we had grown from a seedling since we bought our house nearly 8 years ago. Cutting it to the ground was even more of a loss to my poor husband than the death of our chickens.

Sometimes being the grown up means doing the terribly difficult things that have to be done. And he did. I am so proud of him.

Sometimes some things have to go in order for life to go on. This blog isn't one of those things. I still need it as a record and an outlet. But as long as I am still working, I will be pressed for time to actually use this space. Hopefully, it won't be too much longer. I am ready for things to calm down again, but in the meantime, I am trying to be grateful for this crazy season.

the skunk and the owl

while Forest was here

:: at the Tulsa Zoo ::

River persuaded Uncle FoFo to walk his favorite way.

We took a ride on the train.

Liam took a (very short) ride on Auntie Linda's back.

:: Lunch at Elote ::

Sharing some tunes with their meal.

:: at Lokomotion ::

So many flashing lights! And music! And games! And tickets!

First game of miniature golf. He hammered that ball, literally.

Liam keeps asking when Uncle FoFo is going to come back for another visit, and River was grinning at these pictures while I was working on uploading them this afternoon. My boys love their Uncle. I love him too, even if he is so very much a teenager right now.

He is still our FoFo. 

sometimes felt happens

Trying to focus on the 7 loads of laundry that Gabriel washed, dried, folded, and put away while I was gone this morning.

And trying not to cry over my favorite hat, handknit from gorgeous alpaca yarn. The yarn I found in the French Quarter on our New Orleans trip several years ago. The hat that is reduced to less than half it's wearable size. Sniff.

whirlwind weeks

Yep, I am still here. Our days have been going by at a crazy pace, even though I haven't recorded any of it here. And the spare moments have not motivated me to blog about it all. Sorry, Crystal.

In the past few weeks:

•  Forest was here for a week. We went to Tulsa and the zoo, ate at Steak n' Shake, and went to Locomotion for some mini golf and go-carts (I hate go-carts, but I love my brother). Lots of pictures to share...
• We went to Little Rock for River's post-op follow-up with the urologist. The entire appointment lasted only a matter of minutes. The surgeon asked about recovery while I undressed River, gave him a quick look, and said we would not need any further visits unless another complication came up (none are expected). And since Gabe took the day off from work to drive all the way to Little Rock, we made a day of it and rode the trolley downtown, played on the most amazing playground near the River Market, had some lunch, and the kids slept nearly the entire drive home. It was a great day.
• I have been working Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for the past 2 weeks. And that's the main reason I haven't been blogging. Brighthaven, the childcare and pre-school where my mom is the assistant director, abruptly lost their kitchen manager and needed some help until they can fill the position. The boys get to come along and spend the day at the center with their respective age groups. This arrangement is fantastic for Liam . He loves going to school, and everytime I see him, he has a huge grin on his face. When I deliver the meals to his class, he proudly announces That's my mom, and all of the kids beam at me like I am a celebrity or something. River, on the other hand, tolerates the day. His teacher is perfect for him: sweet, mild-mannered, and very nurturing. He loves her. And he enjoys playing with the plastic noise-making toys. But, he misses me and I always have to get someone else to deliver the meals or slide the cart through the door like a phantom so he doesn't see me. It's hard to watch someone else comfort my baby. But it's not likely to last much longer. And in the meantime, we aren't complaining about the extra paycheck...
• Last night was the first hard freeze of the season. Down into the 20's. I picked all of the basil and green tomatoes, and now I have to figure out what to do with it all. I already have too many jars of pesto in my freezer. And my fig tree is covered in the first-ever fruits that have yet to ripen. I'm afraid they may be  a lost cause for the year, despite the protective sheets Gabe and I wrapped around the plant.  

• 
• Notice the suspiciously iphone-esque picture of my fig tree? That's because I finally got one, and I love it. The technology is amazing (it's a 4s and I am a very lucky girl). I had to promise a portion of my monthly bib-sewing income to cover the data package, but it is totally worth it.
• And River has an appointment with yet another specialist. This time, we are going to see an ear, nose, and throat (ENT) doctor at Children's in Little Rock since he has a number of other medical issues, he is already an established patient on their campus, and we have met the maximum out-of-pocket expenses for the year. This will all be on the insurance company's tab, thank you very much. At least until Janury. But in the meantime, we are hoping to figure out what is ging on with his chronic ear infections (he's got another double whammy right now and is just miserable), and we are hoping that might explain why he still isn't really talking.

I think that's all the updates for now. I will try to do better about posting more regularly. I've got a ton of pictures languishing on my hard drive, and a bunch that I have yet to transfer from my camera. And I still have managed plenty of sewing, gardening, and woodworking. And Gabe has been hard at work finishing up a deck rail that, of course, turned into a much larger project and a fort for the boys besides. Like I said, we've been busy.

there's a baby in there

That's right. Auntie Linda is having a baby. A boy baby. A little cousin around New Years.

We can hardly wait to meet him.

these boys love their ladies

Earlier in the summer, pink lilies popped up all over town. Along sidewalks, in alleys, scattered throughout neighborhood yards. These are often called surprise lilies since it's always a surprise when they emerge from the soil.

But they also have another name: naked ladies, referring to their leaf-less stem and base. That's what Gabe's Great Grandma Dotha called them, and that's what I told Liam to call them, too.

source

We went on plenty of walks, finding those naked ladies everywhere. Now, whenever he sees a lily, he calls it a lady.

He is especially taken with the water ladies in our pond. So taken that he picks every bloom the minute it opens. We're still working on our flower etiquette. 

He picked one each for him and River a few days ago, and next thing I knew, they were posing for portraits with their ladies.

A little strange? Yes. but I was not going to pass up them actually hamming it up for the camera. And I didn't even get upset when he ended up in the basil patch. Click.

There was still plenty of silliness. The ladies are great for brotherly love pats.

Liam was feeling extra lovey and gave River a hug, who thought he was getting a kiss...

But most of the loving was given to the flowers. They're saying ahhhh while snuggling their flowers.

More flowery hugs.

What can I say. He just loves his ladies.

how to make a pumpkin pie

Bring home two little pie pumpkins from the farmer's market and be very proud.

 Scoop out the seeds very carefully.

Little brother does the same.

Roast the squash until it is tender (350 degrees for an hour or so, skin-side down on a baking sheet).

Run the pumpkin through the food mill.

Stir, stir, stir.

this one is our favorite, even though we're no longer dairy-free

Eat the pie and want some more (before I manage to get a decent picture of a slice).

the first ER visit

Well, I no longer have to wonder when we will have that inevitable first ER visit with River. It was Sunday night, and it was scary.

Before I freak anyone out, let me assure you that he is okay.

Okay enough to run in the sprinkles for a long time this afternoon. He's doing good.

Sunday afternoon, the boys were playing in the backyard while my mom and I chatted in the living room. We could hear them out the window. Nothing wild and crazy. And then there was a clonk followed by River's screams. He had fallen off the side of the deck and landed head-first on the concrete pavers.

We rushed out there, found the monster goose-egg on his head, and I held him until he calmed down. He was acting kind of strange. Dazed. And then he shook it off and played in the dirt with Liam until dinner time. He gets quite a few bumps on the head. Most of them with significant goose-eggs thanks to his vWD. He seemed fine.

After going to bed a bit early, he awoke an hour or so later, screaming and holding his head. And then he started vomiting. And vomiting some more. At this point, I told my mom and Gabe that River needed to go to the ER. Something was really wrong.

We packed up River, the diaper bag, and his medication, and my mom took us to the ER while Gabe stayed home with Liam. The hospital is just two blocks away, so within a matter of minutes we were rushed back and with the doctor. He ordered a CT scan and gave River some zofran to help with the vomiting. Despite everything going on around him, River slept through most of the ordeal, another sign that this was not his average bump on the head.

The results from the scan showed that he didn't have any swelling or bleeding. Huge relief.

He does have a concussion. And, it turns out,  a double-ear + sinus infection. And they still sent us back home. We had to get up every 2 hours throughout the night to make sure that he would respond to us trying to wake him. He did. 

And then yesterday we went to the pediatrician for a followup and some x-rays. He was stable, albeit a bit woozy and out of sorts. My mom stayed with us all day. It was a huge comfort to have the extra help.

We went back to the pediatrician one more time this morning. Everyone was happy to see that River is so much more himself today. Happy. Playful. Still a bit wobbly, but definitely on the mend.   

The whole ordeal was scary, but it could have been so much worse. I spoke with River's blood disorder specialty nurse in Little Rock this morning, and she said we did everything right, going to the ER when we did, but next time I need to insist that they start an infusion of his factor medication before they do any tests or scans. Just in case he does have a bleed. And I need to insist that the doctor call the hematologist at Children's. The staff at our small-town hospital took excellent care of River, with all the urgency that the situation demanded, but I had to give the doctor information about vWD. Apparently, that's to be expected at just about any hospital except ones which specialize in bleeding disorders.

Now I know more for next time. Unfortunately, there is certain to be a next time. But at least it won't be the first time again.

In the meantime, we are still keeping a close eye on River for the next few days. Swelling could occur up to 5 days after the accident.

But mostly, I am just enjoying his happiness. And planning a deck rail for Gabe to build this weekend...

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. And hope is not repeated anytime soon!

 

Inspired by Amanda. 

the times, they are changing {cranberry ricotta muffins}

This sumer was a doozy of high temperatures and little rain. It was only a few weeks ago that we could barely take the heat.

This was a summer for popsicles.

And then, in a matter of days, it cooled enough for the first fire of the season (the only fire until we can scrounge up some more firewood). And just like that, the summer was replaced with welcome warmth, tea, and coziness. This is my favorite season. I'd like it to go on for months and months. In fact, I'd skip winter entirely and just have an extended fall. Since that's not likely to happen, I am soaking it up while I can.

After our months of popsicles, I'd like to declare this the autumn of muffins. Specifically, these ones:

Cranberry Ricotta Muffins

I used some homemade ricotta cheese that was taking up space in the refrigerator, some frozen cranberries, and a good portion of whole wheat flour. They are light and moist with the ricotta, grainy and hearty with the whole grain, and the tartness of the cranberries is sweetened with the sprinkling of demarara cane sugar on top. They are good.

They would be fabulous with some chopped pecans added in, but then I'd be the only one in my family who would eat them. I don't need a dozen muffins to myself, so nut-free it is for us. But maybe you'd like them that way?

Cranberry Ricotta Muffins

3/4 cup ricotta, preferably at room temperature

2 large eggs, preferably at room temperature

1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

6 tablespoons oil

2/3 cup sugar (I used sucanat)

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 cup whole wheat flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup cranberries (I used frozen, each berry sliced in half, but dried cranberries would work too)

2-4 tablespoons demarara cane sugar, or other sprinkling-sugar (regular granulated white sugar or turbinado are good choices)

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Line a 12-muffin tin with liners or oil with non-stick spray of choice.
2. Whisk the ricotta, eggs, vanilla, and oil together in a medium-size bowl (one of my favorite uses for the 4-cup pyrex measuring cup).
3. In a large bowl, stir together flours, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and and salt. Add cranberries, stirring to incorporate.
4. Add ricotta mixture to dry ingredients. Fold to combine, being careful not to overwork the dough. It should be a fairly thick batter, but not so thick that you can barely stir. I added several tablspoons of milk to make my batter the right consistency. It probably had more to do with my homemade ricotta being extra thick.
5. Divide the batter evenly in the muffin tin, sprinkle tops with sugar, and bake for 20-25 minutes.

These were scrumptious warm, but they still disappeared quickly once they had cooled to room temperature.

sewing the days away

Lately, I have spent a lot of time with my sewing machine during naptime. There have been plenty of bibs for Baby Vardo (and more on the to-sew pile), but also some gifts for friends.

I made this sweet little boy's layette for a friend from church.

The pants are made from the sleeves of an Italian merino wool sweater. The fabric is incredibly soft. I didn't get a picture of the backside, but they have a big butt panel sewn in to accomodate Patrick's cloth diapered bottom. I didn't have a pattern, instead just making it up as I went along.

This was my first attempt (technically, the 2nd since I gave up the 1st one midway through, realizing that I needed to adjust my technique...those slippery knits) at Meg's Sweet Pea Pilot Cap. It will be a lot cuter on a chubby baby than it is here, flat on my table. At least I hope so. I recently bought a walking foot, hoping to make sewing with knits a little easier. It's been good sometimes. Other times it seems more trouble than it's worth. But the more I sew this tricky fabric, the better I get at it (and the more I want a serger...).

 From Meg's Growing Up Sew Liberated, I finished this "Heartwarming Reversible Baby Sweatshirt" with upcycled t-shirts and a bit more of that sweater. I love that it's reversible.

I also made a little gift for Crystal: A cute gift bag I made up as I went along. It has Ikea fabric on the outside, chocolate brown dupioni silk on the inside, a vintage yellow zipper, and an embroidery-thread-turned-tassel.

And this is my pathetic attempt at a picture of the drapey cardigan tucked inside the gift bag above. Liam was screaming at me, River was crying, and we needed to get to the post office so it could go on its way to St Louis. Anyhow, the sweater turned out awesome even if my picture didn't. Crystal, you'll just have to send me a picture of you wearing it instead. She said it made her feel like a winter swan.

I traced one of my favorite sweaters, and recreated it with this awesome white knit I scored at the thrift store. Apparently, I am on a sewing-with-knits-kick. And there's more coming. But first, I have to get that next stack of bibs done...

impromptu camping

Saturday morning, we were eating breakfast and deciding what to do for the day. And then, just like that, a decision was made, a campsite reserved, and the car was packed (quite literally...our little civic could barely contain the camping gear, the children, us, and the dog...but we got great gas mileage).

::hiking/sleeping in::

::setting up the tent::

::the campfire::

::the hike::

::the little one rides::

::discovering an old cabin on the shore::

::the bigger one rides::

It was a beautiful weekend, perfect for camping. Unfortunately, the mosquitos agreed and my legs are covered in the bites to prove it. But the blood donation aside, we had a great time.

labor day weekend: War Eagle Mill

On Labor Day, we went out to War Eagle Mill with my mom and Grandparents.

We ate at the Bean Palace Restaurant.

We shopped arund on the 2nd floor, where River had a lesson in opening woodstoves with Great Grandma.

The little boys had lollipops (Thanks, Grammie).

We walked across the bridge and over the river. My paranoid-mom instincts came out in full force: Gabe, watch him! Gabe, he's getting too close to the edge. Gabe! And yet, we all made it safely across and back again.

The boys splashed in the water.

After the Mill, we drove over to the Hobb's State Park Visitor Center. The kids loved all of the exhibits, especially the caves.

It was a relaxing day. But most of all, it was just wonderful to spend it with those we love.